Affairs and Adultery


What Should I Do… My Spouse Cheated?

While the easy and quite common answer is “just leave”, this is not always the best, the most desired or even the most beneficial decision for some couples. Of course, adultery most commonly refers to a sexual affair one spouse has outside of the marital relationship, however affairs quite often may begin as emotional infidelity. This is even more common as people now have access to so many others through the internet.

The type or magnitude of unfaithfulness is certainly correlated to the level of destructiveness to the relationship. For those who committed to a monogamous marital union, one where they would be faithful to one another forever (most common vows), an affair seems to be an insurmountable obstacle. If that is a deeply held thought or belief, then this alone may contribute to blocking any hope of repair.

What to do afterward is something that couples must determine for themselves, possibly during crisis or once the shock a
nd intense upset dissipates.  Calm and rational minds can help spouses seek out professional and experienced counselling.
This issue is not one to be brought to an inexperienced, novice counsellor, nor one to be easily addressed by reading a few books and talking with friends and family.  While these resources can offer support and an opportunity to vent, seeking advice and effective direction from some sources can further damage an already fragile relationship. One very helpful book to use along with therapy is by Janis Abrahms-Spring, titled “After The Affair” – found at the link provided below.after the affair

Thinking clearly at these times is understandably very difficult to do, if not downright impossible. Fortunately, people can find help through written resources and professional, experienced counsellors that help clarify the issues and options, examine the spouses’ hopes and wishes given the situation and guide them to develop an effective strategy for moving ahead; whether that means separation, a “structured trial retreat” or working to repair and eventually even improve the marriage. The latter option is rarely discussed, perhaps one factor making it so difficult to comprehend? Keep an open mind.

Professional and confidential assistance to repair and improve relationships after adultery is available at Jeff Packer MSW & Associates.  For caring, supportive assistance, an objective assessment and to clarify the best options to move forward in a healthy way after the affair contact us today!


“After The Affair” by Janis Abrahms-Spring :  found at…