I Throw Up Almost Every Time I Eat – What Can I Do?

This post is primarily a compilation of negative thoughts about eating, body image, binging and purging shared by many who are/were struggling with disordered eating behaviours.

The way ‘It’ see’s eating

Imagine… every time you bring a mouthful of food to your mouth… hearing the following echoing with every chomp, swish and swallow. Even after it goes down the constant ringing of the voice always saying…

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“you pig, why would you do that”

“oh look who messed up again, shocker”

“Oh really another candy bar, well you’re already FAT… go ahead eat it fat ass”

“have another, it won’t do any more damage than you’ve already done, you’re going to throw it up anyways”

“wait where are you going to throw up so no one knows/will hear”

“do you have perfume/gum nearby so no one can smell the vomit on you after”

“I’m so proud of you for figuring out which finger works best”

“don’t you dare get it on your clothing, people would be disgusted with you and your gross throwing up”

“ahh see there you go, now you don’t have to feel guilty for eating now that it’s all out of your system… but aren’t you a little hungry again, maybe go have some more to eat, just do it again… it was easy the first time”

“okay so you’ve already done it twice today… just do it once more, then that’ll be the last one”

“if they keep asking why you go to the washroom after every meal just blame it on PMS, depression or something”

“okay so if I go do it on my lunch break that’ll leave me 5 minutes after eating, and I’ll go to the far washroom that no one ever goes to that way no one will hear me”

“you better hurry and do it quick, you know the longer it stays in you the more you’ll absorb, god forbid you need any more layers of fat on you”

“my favorite thing to throw up after anything I eat is ice cream, it comes up nice and smooth”

“think, if you do this for just a few more weeks you’ll be able to fit in and actually look normal”

“who cares if people want you to stop, it’s your body not theirs, you’re doing no harm to them, why are they being so selfish, let me make my own decisions”

“never give up on doing this, or you’ll never be worth anything”      

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… pretty serious things to be hearing ‘It’ or that negative voice constantly tell you. Most people eat three meals a day with a few snacks and barely consciously think about what they consume. To someone with bulimia, it comes down to the moment the food touches your lips you start calculating how fast, where and how you can go unnoticed when getting it out. Crazy how ‘It‘ makes it seem like without the bulimia you’d be nothing.

If you or someone you love struggling with an eating disorder or even if you feel you have disordered eating patterns, I encourage you to find a therapist to assist you with your recovery / change process. For more information  Contact us today!

 

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Do You Feel You’re Not Getting Anywhere?

How often do we feel frustrated and alone, like no matter what we try life doesn’t seem to get any better. We might change this or that behaviour, for at least a short while, only to end up back in the same situation. We can gradually or not so gradually get more down, hopeless and tried as we seem to return to the same ‘rut’. I heard once the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth?

The poem below, written by Portia Nelson, conveys these very sentiments and walks the reader through five ‘chapters’ in order to signal a flicker of hope somewhere on the road of life.

There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk (five chapters)

                     1

“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

2

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

3

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

4

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

5

I walk down another street.”
Portia Nelson, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery

I think most of us want to believe we can change, that things will improve, and that one day we will reach that illusive better place? While there are certainly no guarantees and we really don’t know anything for sure about the future, what is life without hope? How do we, in the face of severe difficulties, loss, pain and grief, manage to hold onto hope? What can we do to regain a sense of hope we may have one had?

These and other questions strike a nerve in our spiritual being. Who am I? Why be good to myself and others? What does the end of life really mean? Almost all people will contemplate questions like these, pondering issues that do not seem to be answerable by science; at least not yet anyway. This is both a frustrating and exciting element of human life. This is where faith and one’s belief system becomes essential. Our task is to examine our hearts and minds, our emotional selves and seek to discover an improved understanding of ourselves and the amazingly contradictory world we live in.

A journey that doesn’t include the unknown is not really much of a journey at all. Imagine a trip with no surprises, no unexpected discoveries, whether this is an actual holiday or the challenging journey in a close relationship. As we said to our children in preparation for our adventures, “let’s find a way to look forward to and enjoy the journey”.   Rather than being a burden, this attitude seemed to improve our ‘getting along’ and each leg of the trip a more enjoyable and exciting adventure.

Cognitive shifting can help us see situations a bit more positively and in a way that helps us achieve a more balanced emotional state. We can change our thought patterns about almost any event or situation when we are determined to stop falling into the holes in the sidewalk.

 

 

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Oshawa therapist, durham region counseling

“Have a Snickers” as a decision maker?

There are often times when we make rash or quick decisions and when we look back on them we say, “Why did I do that?”or “Why did I eat that?”
Sometimes its because we’re bored, other times its because we are looking to fill a void or find a purpose. Life seems to be out of control sometimes and there is little we can do to influence world events but we can manage parts of our own life with a few tools.
There have been many times in my own life that I’d wished I had something to help me avoid my impulsive decisions that sometimes have had long lasting effects.

Often these regrets or poor choices can be avoided or managed better when we learn to  HALT. As we unpack the acronym HALT its easier to see how to effectively use this rather simple tool.

HALT stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

Usually when we make poor choices or decisions its because of one of these four triggers. It seems simplistic but there is some real wisdom in this small word HALT. By taking the time to figure out the reason we’re about to do something, we can usually avoid poorer choices.

Not every situation can be remedied by these four triggers but they are a great place to start. Taking the time to stop and think about these things before acting is an expansion of the “Count to 10” model. Using an acronym like HALT helps us to take a few seconds and try to identify the triggers for our behaviours.

Sometimes the slogan “Have a Snickers” (and many other ads too) actually works to get us to act and, at times, act quickly without thinking. Food is a great motivator and a great reward sometimes.  The Snicker bar slogan appeals to the fact that energy and nutrients in our system need to be replenished so our brains function properly.

Simply asking ourselves to use HALT as a checklist is an excellent tool. Ask yourself “Am I hungry (yes/no), angry (yes/no), lonely (yes/no), tired (yes/no)?”

If ‘hungry’ maybe something to eat or a simple glass of water can do wonders, ‘angry’ maybe stepping away from the situation to get a fuller perspective, ‘lonely’ maybe call a friend or help a neighbour, ‘tired’ maybe go to bed earlier or have a rest/nap.

Rather than being reactive, using new tools and existing ones, we can become more proactive at handling the inevitable challenges of life.  Consider how you may adapt this strategy for other challenging areas in your life? Play around with this acronym a little? Or, you may use the STOP one… Stop, (breathe) Think, Observe then Proceed?

Adding HALT to our ’emotional toolbox’ can better prepare us for a world that is unpredictable everyday.

Now you have read this… it is in your “tool box” or “on your hard drive”  🙂

For more assistance contact one of our counsellors today!

 

submitted by EB

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The pornographic industry has been at my fingertips since I began to develop an interest in it, at the age of 13.  With the progression of technology, it has only gotten more accessible.  To date, it’s as easy as checking my “new follower” notification on twitter. At least once a week, I will get followed by a cam girl or pornstar and with the click of a button, I have entered the ironically named “adult entertainment” portion of the Internet.

I think the accessibility of porn these days scares a lot of parents and the knee-jerk reaction is often to use an onslaught of parental controls, monitoring apps and other types of software to spy on your own children.  I gather that the general public realizes this is like trying to contain a wildfire with a standard home extinguisher.  Simply labeling it as out of bounds only makes teenagers want to rebel and cross the line. So, when a product is as compelling as porn, there’s no need to add to its seductive lure by making it “forbidden”. Switch out “forbidden” for a synonym, “naughty” and it’s pretty clear that the message is destined to backfire.

If we have learned anything from the failure of the war on drugs, informing the public about the risks and rewards of drugs, from a non-biased standpoint, is the answer to preventing misuse and addiction. Porn should be treated for what it is, a drug just like alcohol or marijuana. Whether it’s opening up the “Incognito” browser, rolling up a joint or mixing a rum & coke; all of these actions are done to provide a release from reality and stimulate a pleasure response in the brain.

“Cambridge Neuropsychiatrist Valerie Voon was featured last year in the UK documentary, “Porn on the Brain”. Her research demonstrates that the brains of habitual porn users show great similarity to the brains of alcoholics. A brain structure called the ventral striatum plays a significant role in the reward system of the brain—the pleasure pathways. It is the same part of the brain that “lights up” when an alcoholic sees a picture of a drink.” (Source: covenanteyes.com, Title: Brain Chemicals and Porn Addiction: Science Shows How Porn Harms Us).

So let’s talk about it for what it is. Porn is a drug and the only way to help your kid understand how to deal with the temptation is to have that seemingly awkward talk. Converse about what’s going on in their brain and why their body reacts the way it does to that type of virtual stimulation. It will remove some of the shame associated with having a sexual desire and the frustration of their inability to act on it during those uncomfortable pubescent years.

The positives shouldn’t be left out. Masturbation has been a thing for thousands of years for a reason. Sometimes that sexual release breaks some of the tension and allows me to be calmer or less “on edge” for a period of time. I had a conversation with my dad when I was 13 that resonated with me. We spoke about porn/masturbation and how it’s associated with lustrous thoughts. If those thoughts are left unmanaged, they can be detrimental to a person’s patterns of thinking and damage other areas of one’s life. I didn’t stop watching porn, but at least when I did, I questioned the morality behind what I was doing and recognized it as an unrealistic depiction of sexual behaviour.

Trust your teenagers to start thinking about their actions like the young adults they are. Inform them without judgment and make them feel less alone in the matter. It’s probably the first recreational drug we are exposed to and, if approached properly, it can provide a healthy foundation for the ones we will encounter later.

(This post was contributed anonomously by a young adult)
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What Really Does Addiction Mean Anyway?

Addictions impact so many people, upsetting lives and hurting loved ones. Worrying about ourselves and/or others being hooked on work, alcohol, money, drugs, sex, porn, food, cigarettes etc. is a widespread problem. Our focus unfortunately,  often becomes narrowly placed upon that “thing” that seems to be consuming so much of our attention, pulling our attention away from solutions and other important areas of life. As this narrow focus becomes increasingly magnified to a seemingly overwhelming level, negative thoughts increase as well; “This is just too far gone”, “I am awful”, “I’ll never stop THIS!”, “Why even try to stop?”

I think we are out of focus.  Our attention becomes on what not to do or on stopping something rather than on what to do and on action that can improve our situation.  I’m not entirely convinced one’s so-called ‘addiction’ is the real problem. Consider all the things in life we are not free to do because we’re spending so much of our effort, time and money on the addictive behaviour. What is being missed, unattended to and let go?  Now that seems, at least to me, to be the real tragedy; being a slave to a substance, a behaviour and even a way of thinking, not free to really enjoy life to the fullest.

Short changing our health and wellness, missing out on recreational, intellectual, spiritual and social growth options, failing to have time for those we love (e.g. children, spouses, family and friends) and severely limiting development of meaningful and satisfying relationships in favour of that one special ‘addiction’ is the real tragedy. 

What is yours? What robs you of a very important part of your life?

Did you know the term addiction came from the slave trade? Years ago, while working on a paper for the Canadian government, I discovered a book called “Drugs, Morality And The Law” (1994 by Steven Luper-Foy, Curtis Brown). The authors uncovered that the initial use of the term addicted was used when a slave was sold to a master. The slave was said to be addicted to or ‘tied to’ their master. Instantly,  I postulated that just as slaves have been freed, we too could find a way to become free from whatever addictive behaviour that is holding us back. I thought, maybe a little too simplistically, if we can be tied to something we could also be untied.

This is a completely different and more positive way of considering addiction than I grew up with. Many of us learned and were indoctrinated with the view that “once you’re addicted it is very, very difficult to quit”.  Not true!  There are many strategies and approaches that help people uncover the thinking and events that contribute to the development of their particular addiction. These include expanding awareness, realigning goals with core values and teaching new ways to override those thoughts and behaviours so that a healthier and more satisfying life can be enjoyed.

Just as ending slavery began with a shift in the consciousness, untying ourselves from addictions requires a process of cognitive uncovering, thought shifting and persistence. For some, a little coaching can help speed up the process and maintain success. If you’d like assistance becoming untied from an addictive behaviour in order to achieve a more fulfilling life, contact one of our counsellors today!

 

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(submitted by a wife and mother)

When Life Throws A Curve Ball???

Why are we always faced with some really tough decisions in life?  Life threw me a curve ball back in April and I had to re-evaluate what is really important for me and my well being.  My husband and I separated and I had to make some pretty fast financial decisions.

I parked the truck, started taking transit and decided to start seriously looking for a job in Oshawa where I live.  I had been travelling to Pickering and back at least 3-4 days per week, often times working into the evenings and not getting home until 9:00 p.m.  My travel took 4 hours in a day, what a waste of time!!!!  I applied for a job with excellent hours in Oshawa and I got the job. I was so very excited.  I would miss my co-workers in Pickering but I am so happy to be working near my home.

When I get stressed, I want to keep my mind occupied but I was getting a little too carried away.  I had five jobs (3 at-home dicta-typing jobs) and I also wanted to sing on the weekends.  I had to put a stop to some of these chaotic behaviours because I knew if I wore myself too thin, I would end up getting sick.  What good would that be?  I now realize how hard it was for my spouse because when would we actually get to see each other and have quality time together?  Most of the time, I was too tired to do anything, I just wanted to sleep on my off hours!!   We hardly communicated because we were like two ships passing in the night.

The past few months have allowed me to reflect on what is really important – my family.  My husband is in an addiction rehab residence and he is doing well.  Oh, it WON’T be easy, trust me, I know this!!!  I also know that we are married and my spouse has an illness – actually two of them –  which both affect his mood negatively.  It takes two to make a marriage work and we both have to work at it. For now, because of our poor decisions months back, we are working at it from a distance.

My goal is to be healthy and happy, that is all I want out of life.

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For more information on “How to Communicate Effectively with your Spouse” and also “How to Manage Stress”, please contact one of our counsellors today

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Parenting Our Children & Parenting Ourselves

Promoting mental health involves building awareness, reducing the stigma often attached with the term and, of course, developing strategies to improve our overall mental health. Just as we strive to improve our physical health, we are wise to learn more about our mind, mind-body connection and find ways to strengthen the health of our minds.

One of our local school boards has recently taken steps to do just that.  The Durham Catholic District School Board (DCDSB) has developed a strategy called “Together For Mental Health 2014-2017”. In a recent newsletter they lay out a guide for parents, however, we might all benefit from following these principles;

10 Strategies for Parents to Foster Positive Mental Health”  

1. Create a sense of belonging – build strong, positive relationships

2. Encourage good physical health, including adequate sleep, healthy eating and exercise

3. Make time for regular family meals

4. Encourage creative outlets

5. Develop your [inner] child’s competencies

6. Keep the lines of communication open

7. Model good mental and physical health habits [hang with people that do]

8. Have a predictable routine

9. Foster volunteering and helpfulness

10.Bring fun and playfulness into you and your [loved ones’] lives

Adapted from DCDSB newsletter outlining their mental health and addictions strategy