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Did you know that it is normal to get angry? And that the human nervous system responds automatically to internal and external demands, threats, and pressures?
So what makes anger a problem? As much as it is normal to experience anger, anger becomes a problem when it is not presented in safe and healthy ways.
Characteristics of unhealthy, destructive anger:
- You deny your feelings and pout (passive aggression) or lash out and attack the other person (active aggression).
- You argue defensively and insist there’s no validity in what the other person is saying.
- You believe the other person is despicable and deserving of punishment. You appear condescending or disrespectful.
- You give up and see yourself as a helpless victim.
- You don’t learn anything new. You feel that your view of the situation is absolutely valid.
- Your anger becomes addictive. You won’t let go of it.
- You blame the other person and see yourself as an innocent victim.
- You insist that you are entirely right and the other person is entirely wrong. You feel convinced that truth and justice are on your side.
- You avoid or reject the other person. You write him or her off.
- You feel like you’re in a battle or a competition. If one person wins, you feel that the other one will be a loser.
Here are the healthy, constructive characteristics of anger:
- You express your feelings in a tactful way.
- You try to see the world through the other person’s eyes, even if you disagree.
- You convey a spirit of respect for the other person, even though you may feel quite angry with him or her.
- You do something productive and try to solve the problem.
- You try to learn from the situation so you will be wiser in the future.
- You eventually let go of the anger and feel happy again.
- You examine your own behaviour to see how you may have contributed to the problem.
- You believe that you and the other person both have valid ideas and feelings that deserve to be understood.
- Your commitment to the other person increases. Your goal is to feel closer to him or her.
- You look for a solution where you can both ‘win’ and nobody has to lose.
Call us today for strategies and techniques to cope with your anger provoking situations.