Photo credit: snowbear from morguefile.com

Some of us will say “Absolutely!” Some of us will say “Not for me!” And others may be too confused to decide. The reality is that sex plays a significant role in love relationships. While it promises so much joy and satisfaction, it can also be the deciding factor that destroys very loving relationships.

When we first choose to be in a romance or “fall into” a loving relationship, most of us are so infatuated with our partners. The sex drive is amazing… even through the roof (thanks dopamine). We can barely take our hands off each other. It’s exciting, engaging, enchanting and we just seem to connect on a level that we assume will last forever. So often we dive into a romance head first (Or is it “heart first”?) and the commitment to be together opens up new expectations and responsibilities, many unforeseen and under-discussed… “love is blind”.

Well not really yet it can certainly feel that way.  Diving in head first quickly becoming more committed than our understanding of one another can handle. As the expectations and assumptions increase, the pressure can overwhelm healthy relationship development. When certain steps are missed in almost any project, task or adventure something will usually falter.

Cracks in the relationship appear and couples can be found scrambling to save or salvage what wasn’t really well established in the first place. Many separated couples state that the connection “just isn’t there anymore”. The passion and excitement that was there when they first met is said to have “faded” until they felt like they were just friends, or worse, “roommates”.

Couples often agree that life and children and work get into the way of romance, however, isn’t this denying ownership and personal choice?  After all, who’s making the decisions? It’s about finding the strategy and skill set to balance our lives in such a way that are able to meet all our needs, not perfectly but sufficiently and satisfactorily for both partners.

Separated couples also share, retrospectively, that they become frustrated, disgruntled and then turn away from their spouse.  Gradually withdrawing to other distractions, many find other potential partners and their sexuality becomes sparked elsewhere. Relationship abandonment is frequently preceded by minimal effort, money and energy being invested into reading and seeking help to “tune-up” their run down relationship; finding ways to become new and adventurous in the apparently no longer “forever” relationship.

When couples seek counselling, many find it is often too late which is statistically supported. One or both have already “checked out” of the relationship and are thinking of lives without one another. What contributes to the decisions to give up on what was once a committed relationship, find another partner and go through the same thing all over again? Many factors can be draining on romance so it is important to have a thorough assessment.

Once we find ourselves moving toward a committed relationship, it is imperative to decide to invest time, energy and significant effort toward the ongoing improvement of intimacy skills; communication, sexuality, problem-solving, conflict resolution, assertiveness, moral and spiritual foundations and healthy family values and beliefs.

Don’t be a statistic. When you and your partner want to enhance ALL aspects of your relationship, contact us for a confidential and professional assessment / consultation.

 

How easy is it to feel all alone, isolated and abandoned even though we’re surrounded by people?  When we are treated poorly by those closest to us, when we don’t feel heard and when our own friends “bail on us” it is really easy to feel down . We can become resentful, negative about them, the situation and even about ourselves. We may even feel like we are the only one who has been rejected like this, convinced we live in a cold and heartless world.

The image above seems to capture this reality.   (photo compliments of Jan M.)  We can feel small, unimportant and worthless when people don’t want to hang out with us. One young lady discovered a few solutions after friends “bailed” on her.  Interesting how some of our most valuable lessons come out of our deepest struggles.

She wrote the following for this post;

“Build Friendship Assertiveness”

“Sometimes being too available for friends can hurt you more than benefit you. Being too easygoing can harm you as well; don’t go with the flow. Know what you want. Don’t be a pushover and allow others to make all the decisions. Your own indecision can make you feel dismissed and under-appreciated. It’s your life so speak up, voice your thoughts, and ensure that you are being heard. If it’s what you want then real friends will respect it.”

She’s right… know what you want and expect friends to respect this. Of course, you may have to choose new friends that do respect your wishes, limits, boundaries; friends who also share the work involved in keeping a friendship strong.

Develop ways to better communicate your thoughts and feelings, skills for building relationships and conflict resolution because lasting, quality relationships are work and are well worth the effort.