Where do I find my worth?
(Submitted by a young man under extreme family duress due to health concerns)
I’ve struggled with a lot of anxiety and depression in the past, and still some today. When I was in high school, I would often be so anxious about my schoolwork that I wouldn’t even be able to complete it. I would convince myself that I was not going to do a good enough job, and as such I shouldn’t even try. With the help of some counselling, I was able to get through, but I was still often consumed by anxiety over the fear that I didn’t do enough.
In university it was mostly the same story. Towards the end of my first year I had a revelation. My dad would often message me, saying that he was proud of me. I would brush it off, asking myself why he would be proud of me while my marks were falling and I was dropping classes. And then I realized that he was proud of me regardless of how I was doing in school. This struck me, and I asked myself why I was worrying about school as if it would change how my parents loved me. I was tying my worth to my performance in school, which was making me miserable.
Once I realized this, I wondered where my worth actually was. If it wasn’t in school, or my actions, where was it? I realized that because Christ died for me, and bought me with his blood, my worth is in him. I don’t have to fear others, or myself, because my confidence is in Him.
Do I still have days where I don’t feel good enough, and am anxious, and struggle? Yes, I do. But I can come back to the fact that no matter what happens, He still loves me.
Ephesians 2:8-9 states “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (ESV).