You’re Not Alone in This… There Are Others Out There!

Today we hear from a young teen who admittedly struggles with being an only child. This is useful for others as well as for parents who are seeking a deeper understanding and ways to help their child grow and develop well.

Hello there!!!  Tell me, have any of you had recent fights with your siblings? Are you really struggling to fit in with your siblings, to try and prove you can be better than they are? If any of you have these problems or any other problems related to siblings, don’t come to me, or read this.

I’m an only child, as most of you probably guessed judging by the title, and here are some things that I deal with every day. This is to all those only children out there; you aren’t the only ones who feel like this.

First thing is, well we’re mostly alone. I personally have got nobody to hang out with at home.  I had to teach myself how to keep busy. With no siblings to turn to, what are you going to do?

After the loneliness comes the extreme boredom. What are you going to do? Ask your parents……. YEAH RIGHT, no siblings……. Face it!!!!

The only things we can do are read, watch TV, computer games, electronic devices, and these are the FUN topics. Yeah, I said the fun topics.

What about your personality? Are you shy, quiet, and unsociable like me? Or are you the carefree social butterfly with a confident attitude and yet desperately needs to hang out with friends? My guess, you’re probably like me.

It’s not your fault and it never will be. It’s because of the way you grew up; you adapted to a one-child lifestyle. I was anyways. You might’ve been too and if not, then you are very VERY lucky. I know I always wonder if I had siblings would I be different. Would I’ve been raised into a different person with a different personality and talents? I also don’t want that. What if I didn’t have the talents I have, what would I do? I just want to say you’re not alone in this; there are others out there with the same problems.

I know some of you read this because you want to know how to deal with it, the truth is that I don’t know. I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve never gotten over the fact that my childhood memories are about me playing alone; asking for people to play with me but always getting the answer no. I don’t know how to deal with it, but I’m trying, and all of you should try too.

 

The United Nations (UN) adopted World Diabetes Day as a UN World Day in 2007. Although the day has been commemorated by IDF and the World Health Organization since 1991, this adoption catapulted the campaign to a global scale previously unmatched.*

“We need to communicate to those in a position to make improvements to the living environment so that they can reduce diabetes in future generations,” Phil Riley, World Diabetes Day director for the IDF said. “Any investment will pay dividends in good health and, subsequently, economic growth.”

“This was a tremendous achievement and gives us a key to unlock doors and a way to involve more people than ever before,” Riley said. “The level of participation in World Diabetes Day last year was tremendous and we expect even more involvement this year.”

The campaign has and will continue to raise awareness of the rising prevalence of both type 1 and 2 diabetes in children and adolescents,” Riley said adding that early diagnosis and education are crucial in reducing complications and saving lives.

Do your part

Getting involved in World Diabetes Day does not necessarily involve a lot of work or effort. It all depends on how much you or your business wishes to contribute. Riley suggested some small commitments that can mean all the difference in the future of the diabetes epidemic.

You don’t have to own a tower, waterfalls or a castle to make a difference… lol . The following poster board was prepared locally by a mother of a child with Type1 diabetes for education at his school. It was also used at the local Charles H. Best Diabetes Centre’s World Diabetes Day 2013 Celebration Night.unnamed

 

* reprinted from an article by Jennifer Hoydicz O&P Business News, October 1, 2008

 

Accusation or Acceptance?  Anguish or Forgiveness?

How many times in our lives have we expected something to happen or someone to come through on a promise or commitment. Maybe we have expected to be recognized for having done something a little special? When this doesn’t happen, how do we respond? I know I’ve been upset, let down and even angry on many of these occasions. Of course, with heightened emotions our behaviour can also become less than optimal making a frustrating situation even worse.

We have the whole wide range of emotions for a reason. There are no “bad feelings” like I thought growing up. It is, rather, how we choose to express our emotions can either be helpful or hurtful.

And what about the expectations we have for ourselves? All too frequently the goals, aspirations and targets we set can be thwarted, unreached or underachieved. Perhaps we fail to put in the required effort or decide the goal was too lofty or not worth the effort? At those times, negative thoughts can easily arise in the back of our mind, contributing to excessive emotions and negative behaviours. Some of us over/under eat, others over/under talk and still others turn to addictive habits (e.g. smoking, drugs, sex, exercise etc.).

As we learn, grow and mature, I like to think our expression of feelings and reactions improve.  The advanced ability to address upset with humility and grace, however, is not an automatic right of passage or a quality one develops by aging.  Through reading, education and practice we stand the best chance to improve. How we think about ourselves and others, when expectations are unmet, is central to both our emotional and behavioural response. When disappointment and upset surface, we can adopt positive attitudes that foster empathetic reactions.

“We are all human and are learning all the time”… “How can I do better next time?” “Some goals you reach… focus on those”

The next time you don’t reach a goal you set or someone you placed confidence in doesn’t follow through, dig deep inside your mind for an attitude or acceptance that fosters a balanced emotional state, and subsequently, wise and healthy behavioural choices. Additionally, it is important to take ownership for letting ourselves or others down, finding creative ways to reconcile the relationship.

Let us remember, healthy relationships are constructed, built up, maintained and enhanced over time. When efforts don’t match expectations we can still be polite and respectful.

What are your birthday celebrations like? Do you feel special and appreciate the day you were born? How about others? Do they contact you, text, email, post on your wall or call? Are your birthdays marked by traditions such as being woken with the Happy Birthday song, maybe combined with the number of spanks and a “pinch to grow an inch”? Is the food served the same or does it depend on your selection each year? And cake… mmmmm… cake lit up with just the right number of candles or perhaps you have some other yummy dessert? Happiness and joy with friends and family to celebrate another great year of life.

Too many questions? Please just a few more. Are you worried about your age… too young or too old? Do you worry about who will call if anyone? Are you even able to afford a good meal? Is it just plain embarrassing to have another birthday in the condition you’re in? Yes this may be the reality for far too many; birthdays that are not times of celebration but moments of deep sorrow, reminders of the day-to-day struggles facing them; living in poverty, in abusive relationships and wrestling with challenges with mental, physical and spiritual health. Some grieving the recent loss of a loved one or the deterioration of their marriage will certainly find it difficult to “celebrate” their birthday.

It is important for us to be sensitive to the conditions and circumstances of others. We may be better off lamenting with a friend or grieving with a family member on their birthday or other special occasion. Although it may not be fun or comfortable for us, sharing in the pain of another can go along way to comfort them. Ancient texts tell of friends sitting with the grieving person silently for days to support them, pointing out there is a time for everything under the sun. Times to celebrate, party and feast and still other times for mourning, silence and sorrowful companionship.

Some birthdays invoke sadness and painful memories. This is not “wrong”, “crazy” or “weird”, but simply part of being fully human and having complete access to the full range of emotional experience.

Whatever experience you are having on your birthday…  on this “your special day” remember you are wonderfully made and the day you were given the gift of life is worth celebrating.

photo

 

 

 

Many young adults find themselves in the same position as today’s blogger; puzzelled, wandering through the next steps after completing university. This is a very stressful time just like any major transition in life. After years in post-secondary education environments, often with little or no practical support for job-hunting, young people find themselves as this student …

“Launched into a sea of endless careers, and drowning?”

“The career world has changed drastically since a generation or two ago, and young adults today seem bombarded with endles job options following completion of post-secondary school.  Our parents and grandparents may not have had as much trouble. Growth in technology and the formation of a global economy has made job options seem infinite. “”How does someone without job experience in his or her field of education decide what to pursue?

Most people are no longer headed down the simple path of becoming a doctor, lawyer or teacher. Also, the days of a single career at one institution or company seem to have faded away.  Does job security even exist anymore?  Will I have to interview at new companies every five years?  Jumping into a career seems more daunting and stressful than I ever thought, and choosing the wrong path is scarier than ever.  Making the initial leap is probably the hardest part, because no one wants to get stuck in a position they feel they can’t get out of.”

As this young lady suggests, it takes a leap sometimes of faith. Faith in yourself to work hard, be reliable, follow your morals and values and the faith and courage to change if and when it may be time to move into another career option. It may also be helpful to discuss these options with friends and family, possibly even a professional counsellor or vocational coach.

Place trust in your ability to work hard, already proven in your schooling and employment history, and go out confidently into the world of work. Choose wisely and choose knowing this next job will likely be only one important step in your successful career journey. Be open to getting advice and support as required.  Keep your health and wellness (mind, body and spirit) and your relationships with family and friends clearly as high priorities. These are the foundations to support you along your career path.

How easy is it to feel all alone, isolated and abandoned even though we’re surrounded by people?  When we are treated poorly by those closest to us, when we don’t feel heard and when our own friends “bail on us” it is really easy to feel down . We can become resentful, negative about them, the situation and even about ourselves. We may even feel like we are the only one who has been rejected like this, convinced we live in a cold and heartless world.

The image above seems to capture this reality.   (photo compliments of Jan M.)  We can feel small, unimportant and worthless when people don’t want to hang out with us. One young lady discovered a few solutions after friends “bailed” on her.  Interesting how some of our most valuable lessons come out of our deepest struggles.

She wrote the following for this post;

“Build Friendship Assertiveness”

“Sometimes being too available for friends can hurt you more than benefit you. Being too easygoing can harm you as well; don’t go with the flow. Know what you want. Don’t be a pushover and allow others to make all the decisions. Your own indecision can make you feel dismissed and under-appreciated. It’s your life so speak up, voice your thoughts, and ensure that you are being heard. If it’s what you want then real friends will respect it.”

She’s right… know what you want and expect friends to respect this. Of course, you may have to choose new friends that do respect your wishes, limits, boundaries; friends who also share the work involved in keeping a friendship strong.

Develop ways to better communicate your thoughts and feelings, skills for building relationships and conflict resolution because lasting, quality relationships are work and are well worth the effort.

  1. Buy him a flower.
  2. If he’s a sports fan, find out what time the game is on.
  3. Turn on the T.V. to the right channel and watch it with him!
  4. Write him a love letter.
  5. Give him a full body massage.
  6. Greet him one night wearing nothing but one of his ties.
  7. Hide a sexy picture of yourself where he will have to find it during the day.
  8. Debate topics with him and find value in an alternate opinion, even if you don’t agree… even if you are right most of the time.
  9. Tell him plainly what you need or want… please don’t make him guess.
  10. Caring for him more than he does for you is the essence of positive loving.
  11. Equality is not measured by a single act.
  12. Give him a kiss just because you love him. Tell him how much you do.
  13. Expect his best and challenge him to live up to it.
  14. Get his permission to “work on him” or to give him useful feedback.
  15. Encourage his “reasonable involvement” in athletics. Iit will benefit you in the long run (wink wink, nudge nudge)
  16. Let him know how much you love him, no matter what it takes.
  17. Pick a week where you actually put sexual intimacy ahead of emotional intimacy… just to switch it up a bit
  18. Compliment him in the presence of his friends, not just when you’re alone.
  19. Hold his hand in public
  20. Put notes in his lunch!
  21. Keep him involved in what counts in your life and the children’s as well.