The Thrill Is Over…What Now?

Relationships can be pretty scary!

Sometimes the thoughts, feelings, and recurring arguments for change in our relationships can feel very unsettling, like a never-ending roller coaster. The experience is sometimes thrilling and exciting and other times daunting and exhausting. When we are in a relationship with a person suffering from an addiction (sex, alcohol, or drugs), the roller coaster of feelings and thoughts consume us. They may sound like these: “If I just control certain situations he/she will not engage in the addictive behaviours;” “I should be supportive and loving all the time—that will keep him/her sober;” “I am sure that if he/she changes, I will be happy.”

These are normal ideations that we rummage through when our relationships are in crisis; when our communication with our partner is wearing down; or when we assume that we can control others’ lives. We are constantly thinking of ways in which we can help the people we love. But what about us?

Eventually these thoughts are set on auto-play; lessening the chances of us actually believing them anymore. We learn that as days, months, and sometimes years go by, that something has got to give. That something is someone. It’s us; that person staring us in the mirror each morning (if we dare to look).

Our attempts to orchestrate change in our partner were attempts of avoiding change in ourselves. When we surrender control over others we shift our efforts into transforming ourselves. This involves setting boundaries that keep us safe, as well as seeking help and support.

Help is available. You are NOT alone! When we seek help from professional counsellors and community support groups, we are awakened, we gain insight, and we begin to make positive changes in our lives.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance,” (Anonymous). A journey of true, sincere happiness is not dependant on external individuals or circumstances.

Try a new roller coaster today by contacting us today to achieve a happier, and healthier life.