How Severe is Disordered Eating? One Young Girl’s Contribution…

Ella’s Victory

As her skeletal frame shivers under her winter jacket and piles of blankets…. Ella gives her warmth.

At lunch, When she cries and locks herself in the revolting and nauseating bathroom stall…. Ella gives her company.

As she spends all night scraping her sharp teeth against her deep and bleeding knuckles… Ella gives her encouragement and tells her to cover up the scars.

When her terrified mother smells the putrid vomit hidden in her drawer… Ella screams, and tells her to get the hell out of her room and life.

As she painfully brushes her brittle and dead hair out in clumps and looks down at her chipped and broken finger nails… Ella reminds her of how ugly she is.

At night, when her parents are calmly asleep …. Ella drags her to the kitchen to shove a sickly amount of food into her emaciated body. Then, she proceeds to bully her until she tortures herself.

When her loving and supportive friends share their concern for her… Ella takes over and sends them away.

As she sinfully steals boxes of frozen meals from her job and hides them in her purse…. Ella lets her know that getting fired would be a good thing.

As she lies on the cold bathroom tiles with puke smeared on her cracked lips and puffy face… Ella emphasizes the failure she is and how she would be better off dead.

When her minuscule heart fails and her parents walk in on their dead daughter kneeled to the toilet bowl with her head buried in vomit… Ella begins to smile.

Editors Note:

This poetic and insightful narrative was submitted by a 17 year old after entering therapy for an eating disorder. She was courageous and curious enough to come in for assistance and also to learn that the severely negative and imbalanced thinking in her head is not her, not entirely her thoughts nor totally factual data. Frustratingly, it is so common and normal to believe these narratives as “real”, truth and fact. Information on our minds comes from so many sources and every experience (e.g. parents, family, home, books, movies, internet, teachers, friends, television, social media, nature etc.)

How is it that we so easily believe the thoughts in our heads are our own?

Our young poet above learned of Jenni Scheafer’s book, written with her therapist Thom Rutledge, titled Life Without ED. After a few sessions, this teenager confidently decided to name her eating disorder Ella. She regained a sense of healthy control, beginning to identify how Ella is blocking healthier change and redirecting change toward illness. This specific intervention, utilized in narrative therapy, is called externalization. It often involves naming the problem, thus clearly separating the problem from the person. This makes it easier to value oneself again, fight off the problem and recover.

Narrative theory (Michael White and David Epston) suggests we have so much information loaded onto our minds, moment by moment, through all of our senses, that we must organize it, consciously and moreso unconsciously, into narratives about every aspect of life. Stories about various topics, events, concepts and people help us make sense of our selves and our world. The stories we hold onto guide our actions, influence our feelings and will either uplift or degrade our spiritual wellbeing. Much of our initial narrative forms early on, therefore many perspectives we hold are incomplete and inaccurate due to the limited information and intellectual development available in childhood.

For instance, beliefs and ideas about beauty, body image, food and nutrition may be rudimentary, narrow and misguided, through no fault of our own. Despite being narrow narratives, these stories fundamentally contribute to imbalanced emotional states and behaviours (e.g. restricting food, over exercising, binge purge cycles, deceptive practices). Such imbalance significantly jeopardizes our health, wellness and relationships; relationship with ourselves, with food, with others and regarding our planet. I liken the negative data or narrative to a mental virus that, left unchecked, often strikes to the very core of our beliefs and values threatening our mental, physical and spiritual health.

With guidance, over time and when we are feeling safe, we can learn to better catch the imbalanced thoughts (stuck on our minds) and re-write or change the narrative. In the eating disorder realm, depending upon how severe the cognitive-physical-spiritual attack, what level of cognitive functioning and rational reasoning capabilities remain, one may be able to begin to alter the often well-developed inaccurate perception (story) of their body, self and world. At times, however, acute medical and nutritional interventions are necessary in order for sufficient body mass to be attained, fuelling a return to and/or growth of executive functioning and reasoning.

It is important, as with most therapeutic interventions, to build a trusting therapeutic relationship with your counsellor. This allows you to more openly reveal the deeply personal narrative and to be open enough to challenge the the parts of the story that contribute to life-threatening and isolating behaviours. In addition to the narrative re-writing process, becoming increasing emotionally and spiritually enlightened can assist with the reduction of excessive emotional states. Therapy can initiate a turning point whereby the person suffering from an eating disorder, “Ella”, can start to view themselves in a more balanced and healthy way, slowly and gradually, with help, rebuilding nutritional health and connections with family and friends. The development of a healthier relationship with oneself sparks a more accepting, caring and compassionate emotional state gradually nurturing a healthier relationship with food and body.

Effective therapy for people struggling with eating disorders often involves a team of helpers (e.g. family, friends, therapists, doctors, dietitians, coaches, educators, etc.). The majority of the therapeutic work usually occurs over a few years. Narrative rewriting, however, is an ongoing part of human development. I suggest, for optimal mind/body/spirit wellness, we get familiar with this process, really good at it, and set out to hone our narrative-emotional-spiritual understanding over a lifetime.

If you or someone you know is struggling please, please, please do get help to overcome the edicts, commands and desires of “Ella”… what I refer to as a cognitive virus or “Stinkin Thinkin”. Family members (parents, caregivers and siblings) can even get effective counselling when their loved one refuses due to damaged cognitive reasoning. For counselling assistance to learn more about strategies to effectively overcome disordered eating patterns and body image issues  Contact us today !