How Can I Have a More Balanced Marriage / Romance?

Imagine children playing on a teeter-totter at the park – they may be laughing smiling, laughing, kicking and of course having fun! While playing they use skills such as cooperation and balance to enjoy their time. Now imagine a marriage with these skills – how would balance be best used in a marriage? Often people say that everything is 50/50, but actually we are 100% responsible for our actions within our romance. We actully have 100% responsibility for the quality of our romantic relationship as well. While we are not responsible for our mate’s actions, we can always take steps to improve. For example, this could mean finding balance within different areas of your relationship (parenting, social, sexuality, work, family, domestic chores etc).

Accepting that there will be stresses and conflict is a good thing, but we can balance these experiences by also having regular and fun dates. Take turns setting up dates. Get creative! It could be a lunch date, a night out or an at home date (stay-date). Some couples love to play board games together! (Caution: Whatever you do, don’t play the score-keeping game (who hurts the most) – no one appreciates or wins at this game). Be proactive… a great way to prevent adding damage, stress and conflict to a relationship. Find a way to continue the romantic dance even though your toe was stepped on 🙂

 

(Photo by bellullaby on Morguefile)

Individuation of Self – (We are one and yet individuals in the romance)

Another way to maintain balance inside a relationship is to remember that you are an individual as well as a partner. Maintaining healthy individual interests, hobbies, and friendships outside the relationship can be helpful and rejuvenating to both partners. Another opportunity you have to balance yourself as an individual is how you care for your self.

Self Care !

When your body is cared for – good nutrition, sleep, health and exercise, you have a better chance of being your best self and then show up better as a partner. Imagine for example having a stressful day at work while also missing breakfast and not sleeping all night – how well do you think you would perform at work? The same can be said for how our self-care impacts our relationships.

Many times couples tend to argue over differing opinions around parenting, money and sex. Even in these conflicts you can have balance by remembering that your opinion is only half of an opinion now that you have chosen to be in a committed relationship. When you put each of your opinions together, you can have a more whole and balanced perspective.

The way we think about our relationship can also be balanced if we remind ourselves of where our relationship is in it’s developmental stages. For example, during different periods of a relationship there will be different experiences – at the beginning it may be difficult, but also a honeymoon period; children being born is another stage and retirement yet another. This means it’s important that we evaluate our relationship in terms of years rather than weeks, but also consider that through all these stages it is not only your relationship that is changing – your partner is changing too!

We are learning for life

Take joy in life long learning about one another – what are their hopes, desires, concerns, issues, dreams? And what are yours? Discover with one another the joys you have to offer each other and the immense rewards of compassion and forgiveness. You will not be perfect and neither will your partner, but by practicing balance you can find improvement and harmony. For more support on building balance in your relationship, please  Contact us today!

(Photo by trestletech on Morguefile)