Hope From Separation and Divorce?

A Formidable Weapon Against Adversity… Hope

December 2013 Ice Storm

I wouldn’t recommend a divorce as a pathway for personal growth, but this is exactly what happened to me. I was married for almost 10 years, and was abruptly separated after my wife decided to leave the marriage. While lawyers definitely help with the various legal issues, they don’t prepare you for the emotional consequences and trauma of divorce. Like any type of loss you are rapidly thrust into a grieving process.

My process included a lot of resentment, fear, and loneliness. I attended counselling, and this helped by allowing me to share my feelings in a safe and open environment. After some time and with the help of my supports, things began to change and I slowly found myself engaging in more positive thought processes. Instead of being stuck in the past with all the hurt and pain, I began taking ownership.

Ownership for me was taking responsibility for what I could in my failed marriage, and letting go of that which I couldn’t. This became surprisingly helpful for shedding my feelings of guilt, shame, anger, and embarrassment. As time went on I became aware that I was actually gaining something positive out of the situation.

In the field of Positive Psychology there is a concept called post-traumatic growth. The theory suggests that not only are we capable of surviving the effects of significant emotional stress and trauma, but we are also capable of achieving significant positive change as a direct result of experiencing it. Looking back I know I wouldn’t be where I am without having gone through the experience of my marriage ending. It has awoken a better me, and provided many positive outcomes. I have acquired better insight into myself and I am more hopeful and resilient when faced with difficult situations in my life. Hope is a formidable weapon against adversity.

Submitted by a masters in counselling student to encourage others 🙂