Communicate; Feel Heard by Your Partner

I love working with couples to help them feel like they have their partner back and that they feel heard, supported and cared for. One thing I usually hear from couples is that they want better communication. Sometimes when stress enters our life we can get into hurtful patterns of speaking to each other and we can forget how we once communicated well or feel doubtful that anything will work. We often think of stress coming from negative changes such as losing a loved one, being demoted at work or becoming ill. While these are stressful, positive life changes also create stress. Think of when your baby was first born, you moved into your new home, or started a new job you were excited about – great blessings indeed! And these blessings can take time to adjust to. Now knowing this, evaluate the stress in your home – how many new events or changes have taken place? How is this effecting you and your partner?

To help couples create better communication in their lives, one strategy I use is ‘I feel and I need statements’. For example when talking about household chores you may try saying something like ‘I feel let down and frustrated about these dishes in the sink and I need to have support with household chores – it helps me feel cared for and supported.’ When this is practiced it can take away a lot of blaming, create a problem solving discussion and help couples speak from a genuine place rather then from anger which can cause greater conflict. Yes, this may sound different or odd and feel uncomfortable at first. Most new things do! Think of this strategy as a new skill. As with any new skill, practicing it daily will help it to feel more natural and more quickly help couples feel loved, supported and friendly towards each other.

What is stopping you from getting help for your relationship? Sometimes partners don’t think their other half will attend counselling sessions and then think counselling is impossible- not true! It is still absolutely possible to create change with only yourself in attendance and using the strategies discussed in sessions. Often what we see in our practice is if one partner begins counselling and changing, then the other partner also wishes to share their perspective and engage in sessions. If you would like help with your relationship please feel to call or email me today, I’d be happy to help.