“He’s Just Up And Gone !”

Grieving the Loss of a Romantic Relationship ?

How did you find out? Did she change her status on Facebook? Did he say he’s headed off to work and never return? Did she email or tweet her goodbye? Maybe he said; “It’s not you… I just need to figure me out” or she said something like; “I‘m just not in love anymore”.

Either way it hurts and hurts a lot! When someone we love and cherish bails, gives up, and then chooses to do so in a cowardly way, such betrayal causes severe grief.

“Grief combines overwhelming sadness with a feeling of despair,” (Fisher & Alberti, 2000).

When recovering after a relationship loss, grieving is an important element. Everyone copes with and responds to loss differently. Thoughts and actions associated with grief often vary greatly from one individual to another. This can make it quite difficult for loved ones to understand and help one another. We may think we are not handling things well, we are powerless to overcome this loss or we may think our lives are hopeless. We may place blame on ourselves, and others, for the pain resulting from the broken relationship.

It can be very difficult to cope well when we are consumed by these thoughts and feelings, seemingly every moment of every day. They are especially strong when the break in a relationship is recent. Many people find comfort in the guidance and support received from family and friends yet, for some this is not the case. Some can also find support through their church fellowship, prayer and other spiritual resources. This may also be a good time to seek a consultation with a registered, professional counsellor who is experienced in assisting with the healthy recovery processes.

Crisis intervention, stress management combined with cognitive-behaviour therapy (CBT) help people not only cope but also adjust following a significant loss. CBT helps the grieving person(s) develop an increased understanding about thoughts, feelings and behaviours related to loss and grief.  Along with feelings of despair and helplessness, those grieving may also experience intense sadness/depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, grief, disappointment, anger and a severe sense of aloneness or isolation. Strangely enough some may experience relief as well.

With these rising and falling waves of emotions and thought, day-to-day living becomes a struggle which can further disrupt functioning. Loss of sleep and poorer eating add to the already distressful situation. These feelings and related stressful events may even foster destructive behaviours such as increased arguments, substance abuse, disordered eating habits, refusal to engage in daily routines, isolation from family and friends and recklessness.

It is important to have the support of another at this difficult time. Talk to someone to vent and find solutions to better cope with the discouraging thoughts and feelings. When we have effective support, and maybe even professional counselling, the grieving process can foster improvements in ourselves we may never have believed possible. With counselling we can heal wounds, recover and rebuild. Developing healthy and appropriate ways to cope help us have more peace and comfort with the grieving process, opening up new opportunities and possibilities for growth.

Book an appointment with us today!