How often do you hear this phrase from a spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend? “We’ve grown apart.”

I wonder where and when we first heard this phrase? Was it in a movie or on a TV show? Is it true? Do people grow apart? This sounds like an excuse to leave. Perhaps they feel they cannot change, grow, develop and adopt new behaviours that will spark up and enhance the relationship.

Change in ourselves changes the way we relate with others. I don’t think we grow apart as much as we make choices, a series of decisions that do not support the relationship. Choices can be made arbitrarily without considering the other’s opinion. Maybe we are not open to getting their feedback? These can certainly take away from intimacy and reduce closeness. Another harmful behaviour or action to romance and dating relationships is not hearing the other person’s concerns or feelings. These are just a few ways we choose to create distance in the relationship, whether we are aware of it or not.

Long before the break-up, the realization that we are no longer close, both partners have usually made thousands of decisions against closeness, detrimental to constructing a beautiful and unique intimate romance.

Making positive choices and taking action for the relationship include politeness, fair negotiations, hearing one another and acting upon what is heard, punctuality and sharing of day-to-day tasks and chores, to name just a few. Additionally, reading a few good books on ways to build a healthy romantic relationship (e.g. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman or Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggeriches) can significantly assist couples in their journey toward romantic joy and satisfaction.

Combining this with coaching before things are “too bad” is also a good idea. Our counsellors located in Oshawa are professionally trained to guide you to healthier communication, interpersonal skill development and toward the quality relationship you desire. Like the roots and branches of trees intertwine gradually over time, so too couples can also learn how to become closer, more caring, empathetic, and understanding. Each person can choose to develop more positive and optimistic views which in turn increases positive feelings and behaviours toward one another.

To find out how we can help you grow together contact us today.